Saturday, March 5, 2011

March 5, 2011

So, today I have hit a point where I am missing male companionship. Off and on through this past year that has happened but today it seemed to hit harder than any other time. I sometimes spend too much time alone and I think that has been part of it today. However, I also think that because my ex has found someone to lease our home with the option to buy and that will happen by April 1st has something to do with it as well. As much as I want to be through with my ex and my old life I still want to know that part of it is still there.

I told my friend Crystal that I have been frustrated with my life right now and she said that it is a time of a new beginning and she doesn't understand why I am frustrated. I think it is because I am alone and just about everyone I know has someone even my ex and I am reminded daily that my life isn't complete. I don't have someone who I can come home to and talk about my day. I don't have little faces looking up at me expectantly. I don't have the hustle and the bustle that my friends have and even though I know that it is wrong I am jealous of my friends and my family. I used to think that I had it all figured out and that is when the rug was jerked out from under my feet. Now I struggle. I try to be the strong responsible one who can take anything and keep on ticking but right now I just want someone to hold me and tell me that it is all going to be ok.

Sorry, I know that this is probably more information than anyone would want but I just needed to get it out and even though I struggle with how personal to get on my blog I am compelled to go ahead and publish this. I made the disclaimer in my intro that I may ramble but it is all simply me.

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